i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
