I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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