we made out on top of his cat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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