I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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