I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
