He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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