??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
