I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
