Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
