I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just high enough for therapy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
