its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
