Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize