Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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