I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
