No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
