apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
