I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
