There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize