The maid of honor just puked.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize