A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
