It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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