It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
