do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
