she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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