When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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