He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
