I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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