you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I looked at my own cervix.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
