she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
