NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
