ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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