i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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