I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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