he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
