God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
