I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
