Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This baby is an asshole
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
