So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we're making bets on your personal life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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