Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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