one two three fourrrrnication!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
