I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize