Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
