just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
