I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
