She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I fill condoms, not promises.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
