I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
