AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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