thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want a musical about memes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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