i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
