I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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