Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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