just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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