Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
