I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your cock deserves a montage
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
