She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
