Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
