I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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