are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
