Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
