this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize