guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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