fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
