I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
