So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
