I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
