Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
