So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As shirtless as possible
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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