I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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