Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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