you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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