apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
