my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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